Ten Back-to-School Tips You Really Need

Okay, so here are my 10 back to school tips that I’ve learned now that the first week of school is over:

1. Try not to forget the first homework assignment (completed ahead of time) on the front hall table.

2. Stash jackets (that fit) in the trunk of your car so that when your kids walk out of the house without jackets and insist they are warm until the moment you arrive at school and they are suddenly freezing, you will have something to put on them other than the 2T jacket (and diapers and wipes) you had stored in the car for them when they were toddlers but hadn't bothered to replace since then.

3. Don’t piss off your kid’s new teacher by asking them too many questions on the first day of school.

4. Don’t piss off the office staff by handing them too many forms on the first day of school.

5. Avoid other parents who are trying to find out if your kid did better than theirs on the spring standardized tests.

6. Don’t buy back-to-school supplies just because you’re in Target and everyone else in the world is there buying them. You’ll only be upset when your kid gets to school and you learn that the teachers have already provided everything your kid needs that was in Target on sale.

7. Don’t bother trying to explain to your child why cold grilled cheese sandwiches do not make good school lunches.

8. Remember that everything your kid is raving about now (how cool their new teacher is, how great their classmates are, how little homework there is) will soon be replaced by how tough and unfair their teacher is and how much drama there is with his/her classmates and how there is too much homework.

9. Remember that everything your kid was complaining about before will be replaced at the end of the year by how cool their teacher is (again) and how great their classmates are (again) and how the homework wasn’t that bad (again).

10. Have a glass of wine on Friday after school. The week is over. Two days until Monday and it all starts again.